Julie T. Chapman - ArtBlog

The April Fool’s edition of the Artzine generated plenty of replies which kept me chuckling all day. Some of the best are shared here. (If you didn’t see the Artzine itself, it’s attached as the first reply to this post).

Dear Ms. Chapman,

You have defaced and violated one of my “Color of Light” Masterpieces. You will hear from legal team in the near, near future.

Sincerely, Thomas Kinkade, Master of what I do

P.S. Who did the bra belong to?
– Ernest F.

OMG. Drop the brush and RUN, do not walk, RUN AWAY from the Kinkade style. For the love of all that is good and right in this world!!
– Ellen C.

I hope we don’t see this print in the next hotel we stay in…
– Emmy I.

Dear Julie,

I am soooo relieved to learn that you have given up your futile attempt to challenge the dominant species of male nature painters, and have assumed your place amongst the legions of highlighters and other helpful drones at Thomas Kinkade Art-of Light-Industries, LLC. This is the path to the true fulfillment of your ambitions!

Regards,

“Big” Dick Shaney
Administrator-in-Chief
Misguided Artist Correctional Institute
– Allan A.

OH MY GOD, SHE’S GONE TO KINKADE!!! Please, please call Homeland security on this- dangerous people like her need to be re-programmed ASAP…
– Diane G.

Not that this EVER happens to me. But what’s a (wo)man to do when faced with difficulties in the studio? Suggestions:

• Check email
• Update your website (surely there’s something that needs doing!)
• Post to your blog
• Check email again
• Email (or better yet, call) a gallery dealer: “Howz things??” (and hey, it counts as work!)
• Take the dogs for a walk
• Split wood
• Pour a large drink and do a crossword puzzle
• Check email again
• Clean the studio (hey, at least you’re in there! and god knows there’s dog hair everywhere…)

When you’ve run through all of these options and the painting STILL isn’t working and you’ve decided you’re the worst artist on the planet and how the hell did you ever think you could make your living at this anyway fergawdsakes, you have a couple more options:

• Pull out a book on a REAL artist who actually who knew how to paint…and study it
• Sketch some new painting ideas
• Slather all that paint on your palette onto a piece of Yupo, or even onto that painting that isn’t working (no sense letting good paint go to waste, at least!)

If any of these suggestions work, tell me so I know what to do next time. Not that this ever happens to me.